Counselling

The loss of your child is possibly the most devastating and life-changing event you’ll face, but you don’t have to deal with this alone or unsupported.

The 5 stages of grief

The five stages of grief model was developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. People can experience these aspects of grief at different times and they do not happen in one particular order.

Denial & Isolation

The first reaction to loss or bereavement of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalise overwhelming emotions and a defence mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.

Anger

As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family or even our deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

Bargaining

The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control • If only we had sought medical attention sooner • If only we got a second opinion from another doctor • If only I was there, then this would not have happened.

Depression

Depression is often associated with bereavement. A reaction to loss can be that we worry we have spent less time with others that depend on us, and this can bring anxiety, which can lead to depression.

Acceptance

Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make peace with our feelings and our grief.